Parenting

The one thing that we are never told about this journey is that, the essential of parenting is in the creating and making of memories for our children.

As my boys grow older, I am more than afraid of them discovering the type of person that I am. This is because, the more they grow, they  become wiser, weary and can easily tell on exactly who or what you are as a person. Could be in terms of both your behaviours and your beliefs as a human being. I am more afraid of the answers they will find if they choose to go on the path of identifying who they are by knowing who their parents are. Answers that may present to them so easily without them even seeking. Answers to the many questions they might have as to whom this person they call mum is.  Doesn’t it worry you too or at least scare you? That your kids may figure you out and realise that all you have been all their life has been a lie? What did you do when you discovered who your parents were when you got older? Did it make you love them any lesser or more? Our parents did a lot for us. Some things could be called for, and some uncalled for, just to make us either happy or just united. Where, had they been given a chance, they would have chosen different or even better.

When children are much younger,  say infant stage, they may not understand if they see you crying, but the more they grow, they can easily tell if mum is happy, unhappy etecera. With a much older lot, you can’t peacefully shed a tear without them noticing, because you will be transferring your inequities and insecurities to them, making them worried if not afraid. Because they can easily relate to that emotion now that they are much older. They would  ask you, is that a tear on your eye? Are you okay mum? And the choice is yours to either tell them that there’s something in your eye to cover up, or, to actually tell them what’s tearing you up breaking them even further.

I call my kids my friends, because I want them to know that they can talk to me as a friend , they can seek me should they need to, and when in trouble, they can run to me and not run away from me. I would want them to know that we can always figure it out together no matter how deep it is. I want them to know that they can tell me anything and we can laugh about just anything till our cheeks hurt or reason with each other until we get a solution. Whenever they think of their mother, I would like them to know I am their go to person at all times and not some distant person that is unreachable. To me, that’s the memory I would I would like to create in their minds for the longest.

The essential of parenting, is choosing to do the most, and at the same time choosing to do the least because it’s what you got. It’s what you can afford to offer. Simple. A million of adults today, their lives would have turned out albeit different if only their parents had created and made better memories for them. They would have either been affirmed, assured of being loved and supported. In my own parenting journey, I would want my children to look back and say, we truly had an awesome childhood. Truly our parents did their best, truly we were loved, truly, they at least tried and we can’t complain.

The question I am often left with is , am I doing enough to create these beautiful memories for my kids, will they ever think that I was a fraud, unapproachable, distant, anti social? Will they ever get to say, mum did what she had to do to get us going , will they appreciate it? Will they say, she could have chosen better or done it differently perhaps? The answers to these I may not have, but in my possession today, I can only do everything possible to do what’s right by them ,create and make better memories for them to smile about in their adulthood…..

#ofparenting