Unbecoming..

Little did I know that the hardest task to execute was the one that involved working on oneself. One would think it’s quite an easy assignment and I would often tease myself like, how hard can this be? Don’t I know myself? Then I thought, well if it’s that easy,  let’s see how simple it is to prioritize myself by challenging myself to take up roles that would help me work on myself especially the areas within me that need change, improvement, or stopping. And after that mini self-retrospective, I agreed it wasn’t as easy as I thought.
For starters, this year, or better parts of it, I had solely intended to work on my weight. Not that I didn’t like how I looked, maybe partly, but mostly after the doctor’s mention that I am looking at class 1 obesity 😅 I know, not fancy. Then he went on, Faith you are putting yourself at risk of getting hypertension and the like. And I thought to myself a “younging” like me, getting hypertension isn’t that a bit excessive? So I began little journeys to work on that. My son is my greatest cheerleader, is always asking if I did my walks, and keeps me in check, he asks how many Kms I have covered just to see if I am doing something about unbecoming class 1 obese. It’s a journey that I don’t know how long it will take me but I am putting every little effort into making physical exercise part of my routine. Happy to report that I am enjoying it, there are days I don’t feel like getting up early and then there are other days I wake up with motivation and joy, where I don’t need the alarm to move me out of bed but just jump out. I have incorporated running too and if I continue with this habit, I think I will run the half marathon next year, anyone reading this please hold me accountable 🙏🏽.
Unbecoming. One of the things I have also obsessively gotten to enjoy lately is taking my time to respond, before I respond. Ever heard of those people who just listen so that they can solely respond? Yes, those types of people I can cynically say that I have been this person almost my entire life. What made me want to unbecome this is when you get to realize that it’s never always about being right, it’s never always about being understood but more of, am I understanding others. This year I had an amazing chance to work in an environment where one hundred percent of my time is purely dedicated to understanding others. The questions I always have in mind before responding have turned into, am I understanding the matters at hand? Have I taken time to read through the written texts, process, and then respond better? Am I listening to whatever that’s being spoken? Or, am I listening so that I can craft my counter-response? And I realized that sometimes that pause of waiting to respond, that second of digesting the issue first usually gives you a whole perspective of things to phrase my comments better. I have learned to collect my thoughts before responding and so far it’s helping me to give well-thought responses that I don’t have to second guess on every account or those responses that don’t make me wish like sh$$ I shouldn’t have said that. This has helped me become calmer and improved my confidence in general. I hope to keep up with this throughout my lifetime as I keep embodying the adage, “think before you say,” in every aspect of my interactions.
Unbecoming. Not reading enough. I read something profound in one of the blogs /articles I occasionally bump into. “You can’t Write if you can’t Read”. I began questioning things like how much is my reading intake. What are the materials that I read about? If my goal is to be known as an astute writer, what do I read? Do I even read? Do you suddenly get quiet when in a place where people are discussing their current reads and everyone gives nuggets of what they are reading or even throwing in quotes from their current reads and you can’t contribute? I thought to myself I could do better than that. I once signed up for a book club guessing I even got kicked out of it 🙆🏽‍♀️ because I didn’t get to read the book were meant to read and never showed up for the meeting. Similarly, I started looking at my articles and I began probing them too, are they reader-friendly? Are they shortcoming of verbs or diction that they wouldn’t lack because I don’t read enough? Do I have a new language that my articles could benefit from? Does my speech and reasoning display a lack of readership? Honestly, these are the kinds of disturbing questions in my mind every time. So in my unbecoming era, I am slowly giving reading a chance.  I read articles and short blogs mostly, but not books, I used to be a reader back in the days when we didn’t have social media and the likes but not today. I come from a family of readers right from my dad to my siblings. In one of the groups I am in somebody shared the Atomic Habits book, which I have found not only exciting but educative. I read every chapter of that book like someone studying for an exam. I read it online and the pdf document is filled with markers of the important fragments I resonated with. I also came across a page on TikTok called the Readers Loft. I have managed to get myself two more self-development reads hopefully these will keep me company throughout the rest of the year. I love reading stories more than motivational books because I find stories more intriguing especially fictional, but hopefully, I can embrace them too. I hope my new reading habits will be sustainable, enjoyable and in the long run help me improve my writing so that the next time I read “You Can’t Write if You Can’t Read” I will not be haunted but be proud that my articles have so much depth and have greatly improved, that I will not only be proud of but also increase my chances of getting published because my content will be legible.
Unbecoming. This one you are going to have a good laugh. But before you do let me introduce where this is coming from. One of the feedbacks I received this year that sounded like a pat on the back to me, was when someone a friend told me, they love how authentic I am. I am true to myself and I don’t feel embarrassed to share things about me that ordinarily one wouldn’t share for fear of being judged. So, in my unbecoming era, I am embracing quality over quantity. I know this sounds pretty basic but I realized that for starters I have a bunch of clothes that I bought by the mere fact that they were cheap but looking at them closer I ask myself, why did I buy 3 pieces of these, whereas I could have just gotten just 1 nice piece? Usually, I never have an answer for this. Thinking I need to embrace, “less is more”. I am a great thrifter and I think there’s some kind of satisfaction I get from thrifting 😅 especially when we are huggling over clothes with strangers at the Sunshine Boutique. Over the years this has been my way of shopping, but with time I realise the items are well priced for quantity and not quality 👎🏽.  So hopefully in my unbecoming era, I will shed this mentality, clear my closet, and make way for quality💃🏽. Same thing about my cake business. I have come a long way in my journey of producing a quality product, and sometimes some clients may not be agreeable with the changes I make more so on the pricing, but I am learning to stick because my business’ new drive would be to provide quality. Just get yourself a highly priced small cake that’s rich and full of everlasting flavors then buy a big cake that you wouldn’t remember after taking the first bite. In this era, my goal would be to make sure that as a result of pivoting to quality ( those who get this I know would laugh 🤣), I get those clients befitting my business. I think it’s also important to define quality in my cake business, the quality in reference is the flavor combination, the end product taste, and the quality of ingredients used.
Unbecoming. A populist. Just because everyone else is saying it, just because everyone else is doing it, it doesn’t mean it’s right. There is always freedom in doing that which is different even if I am the only one who’s doing it. I mean where’s the uniqueness of things if all we do is copy and imitate? One of the things I remember growing up was the detest of seeing someone else dressed like me. Seeing someone else wearing the same shoes as me or clothes, really irked me. My mum struggled to understand this at some point she told me I would be buying my things and that she doesn’t have to go through the torture of buying me something only for it to end up being disliked. I think that’s where I got into thrifting maybe because one gets to acquire unique stuff (camera). In her words she would always say, “Najua unapenda vitu unique unique” and we would always laugh about it because I didn’t see any problem with being unique. And then she would remind me of a time when I was ten, she almost returned a pair of shoes to the vendor where she bought them from because I didn’t wear them simply because someone else I knew had them🤦🏽‍♀️. I know, petty right 😅. Being a non-populist is also not for the faint-hearted because everyone wants to flow with the tide and whatever that’s current so you have to have a “strong heart because you don’t want to be the only one doing something different from everybody else because everyone wants to do what is the in thing. Nobody wants to be different, nobody wants to research on things they just want to copy and paste. So in my unbecoming era, I will always try to be free-willed by choosing not to be a populist. When I get to do things my way, I can think better and deliver even better. I can be proud of a unique idea, conceive it, and take ownership of its successful completion because it doesn’t exist anywhere else but with me. I am happy to be in a space where I get to decide what ideally suits me and not what suits everyone and to me that is pure freedom hence unbecoming a populist.
Unbecoming. Not calling out bad behavior. Why don’t we call people out? What is it that we fear in calling out bad behavior? I have vowed to myself that for as long as it’s under my watch and it’s not good it needs to be called out. It’s a process of separating the wheat from the chaff if I can put it that way. Sieve it, what needs to stay let it stay, and what doesn’t, let it go. I intend to use this even in parenting my boys and understanding that they could be my kids, but they don’t get the free pass to act badly. I will call them out and bring them to order every time I notice them acting out. Same thing with people around us, people we have relationships with from all angles, just because someone is my good ally I don’t get to zip it when they are out of line. I’d rather find a polite way of correcting or pointing out what they have done than protecting the relationship and being uncomfortable about their deeds. The relationship might wilt, but months or years later, they will remember and thank you.
Unbecoming. Not forming formidable relationships and not networking. Part of the things that I am not afraid to share (being authentic again) is accepting that I have been living in a cocoon for the longest time. Yes, it’s easy and simple being in your world, but sometimes I realize it’s lonely and not opportunity-friendly. I have tried this year to go out of my comfort to attend events and then sneak out of them to rush back home and make a beeline to the bakery. Some of these events happen on a Friday evening, the same evening that a baker is meant to be busy. So how do you do both? I remember one time, when I left a very nice client-engaging event, and it rained heavily, I could have chosen to stay till the rain ended but instead dashed home, I almost tucked myself in bed, but then I remembered that I had a pending cake that needed to be decorated. It hasn’t been easy though but I guess it’s me trying to leave my cocoon as I loop in the essentials of networking and forming formidable relationships. Hoping to get a better balance of this with time but the start so far is working fine with the multiple things I get to juggle with. There are things that I have chosen not to participate in overtime simply out of thinking that I don’t have time for them. In my unbecoming era, I will intentionally seek to network better, of course within agreeable comforts as I balance my other parts of life because connecting with people is always valuable. After all don’t they say, your net worth is your network? What better way to build it than through establishing a proper network?
Unbecoming. Not having systems. Believe it or not, a lack of systems can be the downfall of any business, any career path, or basically, anything that you are trying to build might quickly come tumbling down simply because there are no systems in place to support it. A system is just a way of doing things methodically as opposed to letting “fate” or nature take its course all the time. Systems help to create a form of control over how things become and to get better results while helping you to put your time into good use.  Sometimes we go with the flow too much, because we don’t have proper systems to guide us and what we are meant to do at the different times we have, and personally, that has been my greatest undoing. I have let nature take its course countless times instead of driving the wheel.  Simply, systems help you to be in charge and be in control like taking the steering wheel where, a lack of them is like letting someone else drive the car for you whilst you are sitting on the driver’s seat. Having a proper system will help me ensure that I have control over my day right from when I wake up to the things I get to do within the day and ensure that by the end of it, I  review to see if my system is working or not. I have this page that I blog my thoughts on, I have another page where I share my recipes, but I am aware I don’t share as often as I should because I have not created that system yet to ensure these things fit in. True, the Sunday brunch system is currently working but is it consistent? Maybe sometimes. But after making the brunch, am I sharing the recipes as intended? And the same thing with blogging here, am I doing it as intended? What’s the end game here?  I hope to work on this diligently perhaps choose a day or a time in the day when I get to write down paragraphs or pen down recipes.
Unbecoming. As I conclude, there are many things I could choose to unbecome but I am picking the top ones that I will sustain for a lifetime, so help me God, and constantly keep reviewing the progress After I have you my readers to hold me accountable. As I end, my unbecoming era, I would wish to resign from the position of the chair lady of the procrastination society 🤣🤦🏽‍♀️. I know procrastination has hindered a lot of my success if I can begin calling myself out too, and something I read to accompany this resignation is that “Planning is all but Motion and not action, Doing instead, is action”. I think I have planned so much in my mind for things about my life that in some areas I have not yet begun acting. I read that quote and asked myself, for how long have I been in motion? The answer was years and years. Imagine being in motion for years without actually starting anything. I have a collection of recipes that are sitting pretty in the archives of my different folders, and the many cookbooks that I own. I have a gazillion   Ideas warming the back of my brain waiting to be accomplished, ideas that could aid my business some about my career, some about my parenting skills, and general self to be a better version of what I am today. One of the things that caught my attention was the line, “Start it, or Do it!  Make the errors and learn.” You are better at failing something that you started than not doing it at all. So in my unbecoming era here, 🥂 is to the many fails of the things that I should have started maybe a decade ago but going to start now, and hoping to pick the future lessons. I can’t list all those procrastinated items here but I know them at heart and hopefully will tackle them one by one.
So, folks,  this is me, Unbecoming. Looking forward to stepping up and doing all that I have outlined above with vigor and zeal and putting God first at every fraction of it as I journey along.

#sensesnhumor