I am a baby girl..

In my mother’s womb I chuckled, I laughed and turned, every time she sang to me.

Oh, she loved me so much, I could tell it from her voice every time she spoke to me.

She spoke so fondly and gently everytime she rubbed her belly and that relaxed me from the inside. I felt loved, warm and cared for, right from when I was just a fetus. She knew so much about me even though she had not met me yet. She knew that she was carrying a baby girl, her one and only daughter. She had already chosen a sweet name for me. Rosa. Like the beautiful flowers. No tests had been done prior to prove my gender, but deep down her soul, she knew that whoever she was carrying in her womb, for sure was a baby girl. A beautiful baby girl, her Rosa.

Oh, she smiled, as she envisioned of the day I would be born and she just couldn’t wait to meet me. She had bought so many pink clothes and pink shawls, even when they asked her numerous times, what if it’s a boy? What will you do with all those pink clothes?

She kept smiling and told them, there’s something about this baby, something about how this baby makes me feel, something I can’t really explain, but I know for sure how she makes me feel, I am certain that its indeed a girl.

Out of the womb and into the world I came. I made my majestic entrance at the wee hours of the morning. A tiny little baby, with pink blushes on her cheeks, with the world’s most beautiful smile, and very little soft hands folded into a fist, ready to fight and conquer the world. On my head were lots of hair, as black as coal, that covered my brow all the way to my burns. The site was pretty, the picture was perfect, the beauty of a newly born beautiful baby girl.

My mother embraced me, as she cried, tears of joy, looking at the little pretty being in her arms, saying to herself, here she is, my baby girl, my new found light, my heiress, my princes, the world’s future queen. She would repeat these words. She planted kisses on my cheeks almost wetting my face with her warm saliva, and her warm tears kept trickling on her face down to mine. She kept reciting beautiful lines of prayer, of hope and faith beneath her breath everytime she held me close.

I am a baby girl, not because I am dressed in cute pink dresses, or white dolly shoes, or cute pink head bows, I am one because I was just born one. I have lived life, fitting into the shoes my mother prepared for me right from the time she conceived me. My mother, my beautiful soul, she continues to light my world.

As a little girl, she found joy walking with me down the stores. She dressed me in cute flowery dresses. With cute bows on my head just as she did when I was a baby. She taught me how to speak, how to care for my pets. She taught me how to be polite. She walked with me to church and she taught me too how to sing. She took me with her to the kitchen, showed me how to bake little cupcakes and muffins. She taught me how to make money from the many lemonade stands we held. The best of all, she took me to school.

My dad, my super man. My amazing man, my first bff. Higher I would say. Higher daddy I would repeat, every time he pushed me on the swings. I would laugh heartily everytime he caught me whenever he threw me up. I felt safe in his hands, in his company I was at peace. On his back I peacefully rode. He ate the kids foods I cooked from sand and left over vegetables because he had no choice, he believed I would one day own a restaurant, he supported my cooking, my bad cooking my seven year old cooking because he was my daddy my rock and always had my back.

I am now a young adolescent, with troubles, worries and my body, oh, my body, is becoming wobbly, my breasts have started becoming painful, my hips, slowly protruding, they say it’s part of growing up. My mother assured me, it’s a natural growth process and so I embraced the changes as they came. She ensured I was comfortable, she taught me how to wear a tampon, how to keep myself clean all the time. She taught me about boys, warned me about them and not to get too close to them, and more so, she encouraged me to walk with my head held up high and focus on my dreams and goals.

I am still a baby girl, even when I approached my early twenties, My dad reminded me that a baby girl I will still remain. He became the first man I even opened up to, especially when I got my first heartbreak. Boys are stupid he mumbled. They just don’t know it. How can someone break such a beautiful girl’s heart? He would always tell me. He reminded me, that he would always love me, he would always be there to fight and protect me all the time. In his hands I felt comfortable and safe. My mum would say, you pamper her alot, and he would often reply, and what’s wrong with that? And he would squeeze me into strong feisty arms for a hug to affirm his protection.

Along came him, the one, who stole my heart for sure. This time, I am in my late twenties, ready to settle down. He loved me as so he would say and so as I would feel. We were in love. He looked at me with the most gentle eyes, that always reminded me I was beautiful, I was loved, I was cared for. He held my hand as we walked down the streets, he would stop and plant kisses on my cheeks and lips, and forehead and told me, Rosa , I will love you forever. My heart, my stomach , my brains, would all get filled with butterflies, of love and affection and I reciprocated this feeling too.

Down the aisle I walked, in my father’s arms and my mothers too. She kept smiling, remembering the beautiful years we spent, right from the time she carried me in her womb, she held her tears and prevented them from falling on her cheeks because she was happy. Happy that she raised me into the beautiful young woman that I am today, from the days when I was just a baby girl. She reminded me that, Rosa, no matter where you go, no matter who marries you, you will forever be my baby girl.

I too shed beautiful tears, knowing that a new life begins and awaits me too. A new life which I prayed and hoped that I too would get blessed with a beautiful baby girl just as myself and that I will love and nurture her too just as I was cared for by mother and father.

The wedding was beautiful, the guests were happy, I was the happiest , my husband was ecstatic. We danced, dined, toasted, and drank champagne. My parents blessed us and our forever after began.

Marriage was beautiful, or say the first days of it. We were in love. We cooked, we showered, we ate, we worked. Our lives were perfect.

Along came the first slap, and the second and the third until I stopped counting. What happened to our forever after? Was I still my mother and father’s baby girl? What happened to the life and love that I was promised? I would question every night I went to sleep. The days started feeling shorter and the nights , oh the nights were longer. From sleeping alone, to with holding tears and the sound of pain coming from my mouth. I withheld, I was hushed. I was told don’t even dare to leave this house. I was called names. I was a prisoner. A prisoner of abuse, threats, beatings and worse, endless rapes. I could not carry a pregnancy to term as each and every time we tried, the baby was beaten out of my body.

On one night, that fateful night. He slept, very soundly. Not from the meal I prepared but from the magic of the sleeping pills that I crushed into his soup. The only night that he slept soundly. Out of the house I left, and ran away. In my mind as I ran, I would ask, why didn’t I think of this sooner? Why did I wait this long? Into my parent’s house, I was welcomed. I was cared for. I was treated. My wounds were nursed. My heart and body felt a new. My parents told me, welcome home my child, we are sorry this didn’t turn out as we would all have hoped and wished for, but in our house, you are welcomed to stay, as you are forever our baby girl.

I healed, or rather my heart healed, my dad was there yet again to console me and told me again, boys are stupid, why would anyone break a beautiful girls heart?, I cried again and into his arms I fell and felt at peace yet again. I felt protected and cared for. My mother continued to feed me , my face felt and looked nourished once again. This time, I am stronger, and wiser. I went back to school, to pursue further studies. I learnt the value of self worth. My passion for teaching was rekindled once again. I now own a Montessori not in one location but several of them. My main focus right now is to teach, empower and nurture more baby girls into becoming wiser and independent women. I fell in love again, I was blessed with my own two beautiful girls, who I always remind everyday that they are loved and cared for no matter what life throws at them and that they will forever be my baby girls.

Yours, Dr Sendipa Rosa.

#sensesnhumor.