Does Girl Code exist? Has anyone ever heard of it? By anyone, I mean, fellow girls. Do we girls also know that we too have a code? One that may not be far fetched or indrawn like what our gentlemen counterparts have, but one that is just God given and naturally flowing within us?. Men may not know each other, like they don’t really have to know each other too well, but they are certainly able to fit into a guy code very easily, anywhere and anytime. So why shouldn’t we?
This code, I may define, as a type of a bond or tie that exists naturally between people. Mark the word “naturally as it’s very crucial in this read. These codes, are the ties that bring people together, or even make them stay together and bounded for a long time. This code requires every party involved, to hold each other accountable or step in to provide help or support whenever needed. This same code, protects and withholds sharing of any form of secrecy that exists between people in that code. Codes simply define what loyalty is. Where a code exists between people, no one needs to be told or be reminded of what to do. Everyone just naturally assumes their responsibility of having each others back and fixing each others crown without expecting anything in return.
I will be sharing a rather personal example that made think of writing this narrative. It reminds me of the numerous times that I have been “body shamed”. I am choosing to put these words in quote because, the definition of body shaming may not exactly be the outcome that the people who did, intended to. But the feeling afterward, after those remarks were made, just didn’t sit well with me. Body shaming is making uncalled for comments about another person’s body size, weight, physique or figure, in a way that doesn’t just leave a bad taste in someone’s mouth, but rather leaves them with lots of questions in their minds too. Questions like, am I not good enough? Do I have to look any different from the way I am today? How else can I look better?
Body shaming is simply ashaming the body. Either by saying, it’s too big of a size, too small of a size or too fat even for its “ordinary” size. Ordinary in quotes because who exactly knows what ordinary here ought to be? On the few times it ever happened, those who could have said it, thought that they were just saying it as a complimentary remark but it wasn’t the case. The biggest complimentary remark you could give any girl out there is tell them they have lost weight, you can take that to the bank. That remark will be taken very kindly even by that one who wasn’t even doing anything about it. The saddest bit about my being “body-shamed” was that, none of these flimsy lousy comments came from men, but rather fellow girls. Sad right….
Dozens of women out there or let’s even say that, one in every fifty women all over the world, have something in or on their bodies that they don’t really like. Of course a good number of them equally know that there’s nothing much they can do about those parts but rather embrace them and accept their Godly creations. Only a few, those that can afford, can have some certain reconstructions done on their bodies, to make them have that perfect look. That look which is now deemed to be “ordinary”. If you have been to any shop that sells ladies attires, you must have come across body shapers, waist trimmers, hip and butt enhancers etc. All these are items that several women purchase to hide what needs to be hidden,to protrude what needs to be enhanced, and that is life.
We appreciate the fact that through God’s spectacular creation of us girls, there are things that are bound to change about our bodies with time. Just like a flower, or a garden full of flowers, there is that fertile season where the flowers are fully blossoming with shine and glow. Where everyone wants to get a hold of it, smell it, sniff it or even keep it to self for admiration. And as time goes by, and because of the laws of nature, the flower will loose its shine, it may wither and at times even just fall off and die or dry its whole life away. Not saying that this is the exact methodology that our bodies follow but you get the drift. With age and childbirth, the body changes, and these changes are mostly in a good way, but the “perfect” eye that people always have, is never ready to accept these bountiful changes. If it’s not our bursts doubling because they are heavy with baby’s food, or sagging because the baby has eaten to his full, or our hips expanding because they supported the baby all throughout the pregnancy, or our beautiful tummies protruding because, guess what, life came out of them. So many beautiful changes that I may not have enough ink to fully enlist and describe them. So now what happens when girls suddenly blossom as above, we fellow girls are too quick to point each other out and shame them.
Girl Code
Is choosing not to make a comment about the weight of a fellow girl. Especially when they have just created life out of them. If you must make a comment, make a comment on how beautiful their skin is, how it’s now shining with natural oils that the body seems to be producing as a result of the joys of her being a new mum. Or comment about her neatly done hair, because we all know the amount of effort it takes for one to want to continue looking beautiful even as the newborn arrives. Or comment about her well done manicured nails, her beautiful floral print dress that she managed to get her body in.
There are so many things that we girls can choose to see about another girl, things that have absolutely nothing to do with her weight. Why, because the girl already knows how she is, and she doesn’t want you to point out what she already knows. Pointing that out openly just reminds her that she is no longer looking beautiful like she did before, thus making her not to enjoy even the new her.
Girl code,
Is telling her, how she has made beautiful babies. How she has turned herself into a beautiful mum that you are now admiring or even hoping to see yourself be as beautiful as her when you become a mum too.
Is helping her to put back her bra straps that are suddenly showing because she didn’t manage to put them back properly after nursing her baby.
Is offering her that napkin to wipe off baby throw on her beautiful floral printed dress after she burped her baby.
Is offering to carry the baby just a bit so that she can comfortably enjoy that cup of milo or glass of juice without the fussiness of the baby.
Is choosing to look for something else to comment about, very far from her weight, because she knows it’s all over the place and she’s probably doing something about it or thinking about doing something.
Is being there to offer emotional support in whatever she could be going through because, you are a fellow girl who has probably gone through the same and you can relate with her feelings and emotions.
Is stepping in to help her prepare dinner for the rest of her family even for that one weekend because she is tired and could use a hand.
All these and many more, should come naturally, between fellow girls. Unless one is a personal friend, then you can go ahead and make a comment about their weight, but I doubt whether that friendship will be the same. Weight is a sensitive topic. For both those looking to gain and those looking to shed. Not unless she asks for help, or asks you to help her take that weight down, don’t say anything about it. I never quite understood this part of body shaming especially when these lousy and flimsy comments were occasionally thrown at me because I was previously smaller. I embraced my changes dutifully, loved them even where I felt I shouldn’t. The most amazing part about humanity is, watching our bodies make these transformations. Allowing us to blossom. Allowing us to appreciate God’s spectacular creations.
There are very, very many girls out there who have gone steps further to do something about these transformations. By either doing steadfast diets, going to the gyms, doing intermittent fasts ,going vegetarian even, avoiding wheat etcetera. While these may make them look good, feel good,or appear better, girl code is also, just allowing them to feel good about how they look like at that moment. It is choosing to seeing the best in every girl because she is beautiful the way she is. About her weight, trust me she knows she needs to work on whatever she needs to and she is doing something about it she just doesn’t have to tell the whole world that she is.
To my fellow girls today, lots of myths have been said about us, that we are our own enemies, that we don’t love each other’s progress etc. Even our male counterparts ridicule us by these stereotypes when we truly mean to do good for each other. While some of these myths may be true, because of the misconstrued stereotypes about us, that we have come to believe, we can choose to abolish them and apply girl code today. By choosing to see the shine in each one of us and forgetting about our weights,our looks and just being happy oozing the feminine energy. If anything, we can choose to help one another shed off those excess weights if we truly mean well. If you have to notice and comment something about a fellow girl, comment about their hair, their shoes or jewelry and leave it at that. Just be different. Choose to embrace GIRL CODE because you can❤️.
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